Having a child changes you forever.

I do not mean that I fell in love with my kids the moment I saw them and that an overwhelming sense of fatherly love overpowered me (when I first saw them I was scared out of my wits, they smelled funny and they weren`t even close to pretty, all wrinkled up and scrawny) – because I didn`t and it didn`t – that came with time, after I came over the shock that they are my kids and that I am a father. But what I did feel right away was that for the first time in my life I am actually responsible for another human being. That feeling is still very much present. Therefore I consider myself extremely lucky I wasn`t born a century earlier (that would mean my kids would have to grow up during the time of two world wars) and that we live in a relatively civilised part of the world in a relatively peaceful age (hope I didn’t just jinx it and there will be a Third WW with nuclear weapons tomorrow). Can you imagine having kids in a country besieged by war – thankfully I don`t and have no wish to.

What has got me thinking about these things? Well yesterday we saw newly hatched ducks DSCN4993 DSCN4994(well I think it was a duck).

We were so delighted by the sight, I started taking pictures immediately. But then I noticed huge fishes looming in the vicinity of these little ducks that were learning to swim.

DSCN4983 DSCN4985

Moments later I learned how natures laws can sometimes be cruel. At the beginning there were three chicks swimming, a few minutes later there were only two. I felt so sorry for duck parents, I almost cried. The kids thankfully didn`t see it. At first I thought I was mistaken, but after half an hour of trying to find the third chick, I realized I really saw it (I was without glasses). A small chick eaten by one of those large fish, with one gulp. One moment she was there learning how to swim, the next moment there were just two of her siblings left. I still hope I didn`t see what I think I saw it was just so…incomprehensible.

Hope the reemaining chicks make it. / Upam, da bosta preostali dve preživeli do odraslosti.

Hope the remaining chicks make it. / Upam, da bosta preostali dve preživeli do odraslosti.

I only felt better after a meal at McDonalds. The nature is cruel, and it seems to me humans still outdo nature in the field of cruelness toward nature and toward fellow humans tenfold.

Slovenski potomci:

Otrok te spremeni za vedno.

S tem ne mislim mita o tem, da se zaljubiš v svojega otroka v trenutku, ko ga prvič vidiš, ali pa, da me je preplavil nek občutek očetovske ljubezni (ko sem ju prvič videl sta bila zavita v neko krpo, vsa nagubana in čudnega vonja in nista bila niti blizu pojma “lep”, saj sta bila vsa zgubana in čudne barve), ker se nisem in me ni. Vse to je prišlo šele s časom, ko sem enkrat presegel občutek panike, da sem sedaj oče. Kar sem občutil takoj, ko so mi prinesli otroka je, da sem prvič v življenju resnično odgovoren za živo bitje. Ta občutek je še vedno zelo prisoten. Posledično sem vesel, da se nisem rodil kakšno stoletje prej, ker bi to pomenilo, da bi moja otroka odraščala v času dveh svetovnih vojn, in da živimo v relativno mirnem koščku sveta v relativno mirnem obdobju (upam, da nisem sedaj vse skupaj uročil in se bo jutri začela tretja svetovna vojna z vsemi atomskimi bombami in novodobnim orožjem). Ne morem in ne želim si predstavljati vzgajati otroke v državi, kjer divja vojna – za nekatere pa je na žalost to realnost.

Zakaj razmišljam o vseh teh zadevah? Včeraj smo videli na novo izlegle račje mladičke (no, vsaj mislim, da so race – slike so zgoraj). Bili smo tako navdušeno, da sem takoj začel slikati. Kmalu zatem pa smo opazili tudi zelo velike ribe, ki so plavale v neposredni okolici teh majhnih račk, ki so se učile plavati. Trenutke kasneje me je narava spomnila, kako kruta zna biti. V začetku so bile tri male račke, ki so se trudile plavati, nekaj minut kasneje pa sta ostali samo dve. Tako mi je bilo hudo za račje starše, da sem se skoraj zjokal. Otroka hvala bogu nista videla kaj se je zgodilo. Najprej sem tudi jaz mislil, da sem se zmotil, ker sem bil brez očal, ampak po pol ure iskanja tretjega mladička, sem spoznal, da se je resnično zgodilo. Majhno račko je pojedla ena od tistih ogromnih rib v potoku in to z naenkrat z enim grižljajem. V enem trenutku se je učila plavati, v drugem pa je že več ni bilo. Še vedno nekako upam, da sem vse skupaj narobe videl, ampak se bojim, da ne.

Šele, ko smo se nabasali v McDonaldsu, sem se počutil bolje. Narava je kruta, ampak se mi vse prepogosto zdi, da je človek lahko še vedno veliko bolj krut do narave in človeka, kot narava sama.